Comfortable
by blairarchibald
Summary: Book based. "The sudden reminiscence makes him realize he's wearing the sweater she gave him, cashmere green, with her heart sewn on the sleeve." Ultimately B/N, mentioned N/J, N/S, N/G, etc. Please read and review!


**Credits: I do not own Gossip Girl or any of these characters.**

**The song belongs to John Mayer, "Comfortable".**

**I'm completely new at the whole fanfiction thing - this is my first one ever. I'm a Nate and Blair fan so expect more of them!**

* * *

Another birthday party, he thinks, another night of going through the motions. Waltzing around the ballroom, leading Jenny, all the while remaining composed. Remaining composed, classy, smiling - when the inside of him is not so sure about anything anymore. Nate tries to remember the last time he really felt like himself. Probably the last time was with Blair and Serena, his girls, the two he could never seem to stop loving. Or pick who he loved the most - the soft, sly, fiery brunette, or the leggy, flirty blonde.

Serena is probably off circumnavigating the world with another flame, journeying impulsively with a stranger. Her spirit, careless and nonchalant, made him forget all his troubles - dream a lover's dream.

And then, there is Blair. Nate tries to remember where she is. Her elegant, passionate mien always encompassed him. Simply being with her brought rapture like no other. The sudden reminiscence makes him realize he's wearing the sweater she gave him, cashmere green, with her heart sewn on the sleeve.

Lost in his thoughts, Nate shakes himself awake. He realizes, in his daze, he has forgotten the girl here with him tonight. As usual. He looks down at Jenny Humphrey, sees her hopeful gaze, vulnerability exuding from her face. The innocence, it is lost in her, though. Upper East Siders, they have tainted her. Brooklyn suited Jenny Humphrey better, Nate thinks.

They dance and dance around the capacious room, not a word spoken. Scanning the crowd for a familiar face - an excuse to go and mingle, to escape this war of love, Nate hears a laugh. A giggle like no other. Happy and light and free and all of the things he took away from Blair. He sees her face, frustrated at something, frowning. And he sees her beautiful chocolate curls, tumbling down her back as she turns away. The song switches, and the music grows louder. It barely allows him a thought.

Blair appeared to be insulted, reading a text on her cell phone. She wore a face of acceptance, but of agony – pain, but of endurance. Thoughts fill Nate's mind.

* * *

**I just remembered that time at the market**

**Snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart**

**And rolled down aisle five**

**You looked behind you to smile back at me**

**Crashed into a rack full of magazines**

**They asked us if we could leave**

* * *

Nate recalls sailing with Blair, a month away from his troubles. Not a worry in the world. The comfort and safety and everything in between. When will he stop remembering?

* * *

**Can't remember what went wrong last September**

**Though I'm sure you'd remind me if you had to**

* * *

He looks at Jenny. Damn, he keeps forgetting about her. His shot with Blair was done. He lost. Blair is in the past. If only Blair weren't the biggest part of his past. If only, if only.

* * *

**Our love was comfortable and so broken in**

* * *

As if he needs somebody to remind him.

* * *

**I sleep with this new girl I'm still getting used to**

**My friends all approve**

**Say "She's gonna be good for you"**

**They throw me high fives**

**She says the Bible is all that she reads**

**And prefers that I not use profanity**

**Your mouth was so dirty**

* * *

Again, he glances at Jenny with regret. Sure, he gets the compliments for scoring the girl with the "body", a pat on the back every now and then. But he can't help wondering if it's what he wants.

For the first time, he speaks. "Blair doesn't look very happy," he says, subtly referring to the scene on the other side of the dance floor.

* * *

**Life of the party and she swears that she's artsy**

**But you could distinguish Miles from Coltrane**

* * *

Jenny tilts her head up at him. "She doesn't, you're right," she solemnly agrees. Nate ponders for a moment, then replies. "I don't think she has, not for quite awhile. Not ever truly since..." His sentence drifts off.

He begins to notice the stares as the attendees check their phones. Perhaps, there is something he has missed. He excuses himself to check his cell.

* * *

_**GOSSIP GIRL POST**_

**B, **didn't anyone tell you? **N** is with **Little J** now.

I sympathize with you, really.

But pining for him when you're a dance floor away? -

that is so not your style.

**XOXO**

_**You know you love me,**_

**GOSSIP GIRL**

* * *

**Our love was comfortable and so broken in**

**She's perfect**

**So flawless**

**Or so they say**

* * *

In that moment Nate realizes, finally and fully, that Jenny is not his true love. He strides up to her, remorse in each step. He doesn't say a thing.

"I know," Jenny says softly. "It was never me. It was always Blair, always Serena." Jenny pauses, and takes a look around. There is boys, alcohol, and she sees some friends nearby. She doesn't need this. "I'm not broken. I'll be okay." Jenny smiles at Nate.

They share a friendly embrace, a hug of closure, and Jenny stalks off to the center of a circle of men.

* * *

**She thinks I can't see the smile that she's faking**

**And poses for pictures that aren't being taken**

**I loved you**

**Grey sweatpants**

**No makeup**

**So perfect**

* * *

Suddenly, all the other girls don't mean a thing. Serena? Georgina? That girl in the Hamptons, whose name he can't even remember? Nothing. He feels nothing.

He realizes his duty, and runs after her. For once.

* * *

**Our love was comfortable and so broken in**

**She's perfect**

**So flawless**

**I'm not impressed**

* * *

Nate finds her, sitting alone in an empty corridor. He doesn't know what to say, so he sits. She looks at him, a tear sliding down her cheek. As he wipes it away, Nate clasps her hand.

A feeling that he himself cannot explain is summarized in the last line of the song. As the voice fades away into the night, a final sentiment is uttered. A sentiment that represents everything Nate has been feeling - his thoughts, and his dreams.

* * *

**I want you back**

* * *

Blair looks at him and smiles.


End file.
